I hate kindergarten it’s terrible. It hasn’t even started and it has drained all of my energy and forced me into a catatonic state. I have no interest in waking up tomorrow to send my adorable, sweet, innocent Emma into this big terrible awful world. On her own. Yeah she went to preschool and yeah she’s independent – so much so she insists on taking the bus. We’ll get to that later. I am not ready. My heart is shattered into a bazillion little pieces like the remnants of the garage and my dirt pit of a back yard. This shouldn’t be this hard. Of course I want to be the parent that says go be you, enjoy every second of your first day at your new school. And I will be that parent but deep down inside I am a wreck. I’m falling apart at the seems. It took all that I could muster to keep it together at today’s teacher meet and greet and there was Emma. In her glory. Settling in, not shy, exploring her new classroom with wonderment and awe. Loving her new teacher and knowing so many other kindergarteners on the playground. Her heart is in it and mine is crushed. What happens if someone says they don’t like her? Or tells her Santa isn’t real? Or if she hears terrible words and doesn’t understand what they are? What happens if she doesn’t lock the bathroom door or has trouble finding her way to her classroom? What if she’s scared or lost or feels alone? What if…these are the thoughts racing through my head the evening before we send this very capable 5 year old into the big school world. I thought about this day when she was born and never thought it would possibly be here and here we are 5 years later ready to conquer the world and here we are 5 years later and mom is still crying. I think it’s ok though. I’m allowing myself these tears because the first day of Emma going to terrible rotten kindergarten only happens once. 

Ahhh. The picture above was my nighttime run on Wednesday. It was gorgeous. Running on the ocean is indescribable. It’s singlehandedly become my favorite place to run. The sounds and sights are calming and beautiful – how can something free to everyone be so awesome. Mother Nature sure does know how to impress. Following and amazing run Raj and I went out to a dinner at a little Italian place called Osteria La Civeta. Dinner was also perfect. We decided to leave Falmouth on a high note two days early. The next day I brought the girls to their last trip to the beach for the summer then packed up the car and drove home. 

The girls were awesome on the drive home and there was no traffic. Raj and I are creatures of habit so we both agreed the girls needed to get back into a schedule before the start of school. Dinner at 6, bedtime 7:15. We firmly believe in schedules. So here we are at home with dirt in the front yard a massive hole in the backyard but we have a schedule so what more do we need? Nothing. 

I have no idea what’s going on with our renovation and quite frankly I don’t care. You see when I need an outlet I run. I don’t necessarily run fast or great but I do run. It’s my therapy, addiction, happy place and it’s what I do. I love that I can do it in rain, snow, the hottest heat wave (although that’s terrible), or on a perfectly normal weather day. So for my third consecutive year I ran Falmouth road race and when construction started and Raj knew it was a little noisy and unpleasant – I jumped at his suggestion to find and rent a house for the week. The house is perfect ( ignore that there happens to be construction conveniently within arms reach on the house next door but who cares) it was on mile 6 of the race, the kids got to sit in the front yard and watch me pant by and since Thursday we’ve been to the beach every day. We are in our glory. Work is insanely busy so that’s been the only stress I have but beyond that I could get used to beach living. Nothing beats the girls building sand castles and shrieking in the ocean. They sing and dance and laugh and play. It feels like a dream. I’m completely ignoring reality and pouring myself into this week.

I just got home from the annual Red Sox women’s sponsor trip which took place in Baltimore. It’s a quick three day trip and it’s one of my favorites. This year I was definitely eager to get out the door away from my particle board kitchen and dirt everywhere construction site to the relaxing confines of a Four Seasons bay view in Baltimore to watch some baseball at my second favorite park (first is obvious) Camden Yards. All of this “construction” is relatively new to us and very exciting to say the least so I haven’t fully understood what was/is about to unfold….

Upon my arrival back to boston the only thing I cared about was seeing the two cutest faces (and one handsome face) on the planet Emma and Maia who pulled in from soccer camp five minutes after my arrival with smiles as though I was the best Christmas present ever. BUT in those 5 minutes prior to their arrival I had already scanned the front yard with some sort of contraption on it and the driveway with the porta potty right next to our dining room window and the strong smell of exhaust inside the house. Needless to say today we got in the car and drove to the cape for a family vacation and for me to run Falmouth Road Race!! First stop ice cream for dinner!

Wait so the garage is gone? Now don’t kid yourself the garage being gone has ZERO impact on my daily life. I don’t park my car in there, Raj doesn’t park his car there, actually nothing of real importance gets parked in there. It’s storage for bikes, toys, water, and stuff. So it being gone has NO affect on my life and I knew that it would be gone so what’s the big deal? It’s not but yet, it’s still shocking. It’s gone. Just feels like everything is being removed and nothing is being built. Well, obviously Marcell. So who cares what I think what do the girls think about all this. 

I asked the girls to weigh in on the subject. “Girls what do you think of no garage?”

 M: I don’t know. I don’t care.

 E: nothing is fun without a garage. I just don’t like it. I like the house the old way. 

In fairness to them they were playing a very intense game of princess. 

Princess Emma in the temporary kitchen