I refuse to talk politics. Not my thing. I’ll offend someone by saying something I have no real education on. My politics are baseball. That’s what I like and choose to talk about. So instead of really touching on the election I figure this little intro is enough. Instead I’ll jump into my struggle and for me it’s a big one. Running. Three years ago when Maia was born the challenge of finding time to work out was big. As a working mom with a newborn a two year old and a home didn’t exactly allow for the easiest schedule for me to selfishly grab an hour to get a work out in and I wasn’t about to get up at 4 or 5 am to race to the gym after night feedings. I’ve consistently worked out my entire life but it was always at my convenience so this was new to me and in order to get me through it I fell back in love with running. Something I could do whenever, in any weather, at literally any time and I do. I run in the rain, the dark, the blazing sun, the snow, the ice etc. I basically will run in anything but a tornado. I run at night in the morning at lunch. You get my point. It’s been my outlet. I trained for a half marathon followed by the Boston marathon then some small races here and there all in the last three years. I’m obviously extreme. With that said I’ve consistently been running for the last three years and for everyone that knows me its my mental outlet. I run and cook. So speed up to last week I’m base training for Boston again and my runs got cut short and I could barely walk because of knee pain. Now knee pain is not something new for me. I’ve had arthroscopic surgery to remove cartilage damage from a torn mcl and lcl. Countless hours of physical therapy (in fact my very first knee physical therapist is a close friend of mine 10 years later). Anyway, pain tolerance in my left knee is very high so when a doctor says “use your body to judge your pain” that doesn’t necessarily work for me. I will run until I can’t. Literally. I have what’s called a baker’s cyst nicely resting on the back of my knee and it gets larger and smaller depending on the workout that’s been with me for 3 years. All of these small anomalies make up me and have for so long that as I age I’m not really paying attention to the pain itself. Well the pain got so bad I made an appointment with our team doctors -working for the Red Sox allows access to some of the best in business. What’s good enough for Pedroia, Mookie, and Ortiz is certainly good enough for me and when these doctors speak I listen. Now I made the appointment with the full intention of having them look at my MRI and tell me they’d do a quick arthroscopy and my pain would be fine id be up and about in a week and back to training for Boston or maybe not necessarily training this year (which would be crushing because I’m mentally prepared) but definitely next year. So I limped into the office every step at a 10 for pain and waited. Went through the normal what’s going on blah blah blah. Then he looked at my MRI and said 7 words that took my breath away and left my head spinning. “This knee should never be running marathons” then followed it up with “in fact this knee probably shouldn’t be running at all”. Now I’m not being dramatic here my world stopped. I stopped. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Huh?? This knee? What knee? Certainly not my knee. What about the arthroscopic surgery I’m supposed to get? When do we talk about that? That’s certainly the solution. That never happened. I was given another doctor’s name – a specialist to deal with my sort of knee issue. You see at 37 they don’t exactly jump at doing an entire knee replacement so there’s another surgery with a 6 month recovery that I’m believed to be a “candidate” for. Candidate for? What?? I want to be a candidate to bq (Boston qualify) not a candidate to do a knee surgery that ends in a 6 month recovery. This can’t be happening. Well it is. I can’t run. Something I love as a top 4 favorite behind Emma, Maia, and Raj (and some days raj and running fight for their spot). It’s my outlet admittedly my addiction so now what?! A break? Not possible. One week later I’m itching. It’s in everyone’s best interest if I run. And I do mean everyone. It gets me through hard days, it gets me through tragedy, triumph, and all tribulations. It clears my head. Hard to explain but it’s mine. No one else’s. My runs are me. Being told no is world shattering for me with all the exaggerations included. I’m bummed. I pictured some day running Boston with my girls. I pictured running forever. So today I start a 3 month intense stint of PT and in two weeks I meet with a surgeon. All of this will get me to be able to run 3 miles regularly with little pain. Seems like a lot for a little right? Well, I’ll take what I can get at this point and figure out my next outlet. In the meantime my running playlist will continue to grow with great songs. And in the words of one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs “just breathe”.