As far as weeks go this one is pretty crazy. Opening day was Monday. That was long and basically awesome. You know the casual “hello how are you” from the Goat (yeah that guy and I expect everyone’s jealousy) in the office, the sun out, team win, great last minute unplanned dinner with my office girlies. Pretty solid start to a week. Tuesday just the regular business. Wednesday was my “guest speaker” day at Maia’s preschool so I opted to bring Tessie which turned out to be Wally and was a crisis before 9 am when Maia completely burst into tears that Tessie was “sick” and didn’t want to spread her germs to the kids. That said, I felt horrible and full of mom guilt which is also why I coerced Wally to come in the first place because of said mom guilt. Speed up to my husband telling me to chill she will be fine this one detour is not going to put her into therapy before her 4th birthday. It’s the Red Sox team mascot we are talking about here. All valid points but I stressed. Got to school made the entire class sing take me out the ballgame while Maia and I read it to the class and waited for Wally. The best part is Maia gets to introduce her “friend” to the class so she got to go into the room first. She bee bopped into where Wally was and I after. Wally ran into the bathroom and I missed out on what happened. Thinking everything was fine Maia looked at me with a little shock and confusion and I still had no idea what she saw (you know where I’m going with this) The remainder of the visit was awesome. We froze danced and penguin danced all over preschool. Wally being a major hit. I brought Maia home and she was glowing. Then I proceeded to Fenway to work and got a call from my husband later that night… “Maia knows Wally is human” huh? “She said, Wally is human daddy. He really is I saw his face it’s like us.” “So we talked a little about it and moved on. She was totally fine” Of course I freaked and my heart dropped to my toes — therapy before 4 seemed very likely now. WTF. I ruined it. First no Tessie then Wally is human?? Way to go mom. Guilt. I got home when both girls were sound asleep so I couldn’t wait until this morning to see if anything came up. Sidenote crazy mom heard Maia crying in her sleep last night so I ran to her room fully convinced she had a nightmare about Wally. I’m still not sure I wasn’t right. Then this morning came and I asked if she was still excited about the day before. With full energy she belted out how happy the day was. No mention of human Wally. So I’m going with it. She’s fine. It’s me who needs help. So here we are onto Thursday. Rained out game and I’m chaperoning Emma’s kindergarten class on a field trip to a museum. I can’t even detail the morning. I need a nap, a sanitation shower, and a stimulation shutdown. Kindergarteners in the rain on a field trip is in nice words overload central. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings but before it gets here I will take a bath and binge watch big little lies tonight. Human. 

Stressed? Ha! You don’t know stress. That was my thought when my doctor blamed my latest health woes on stress. Well doc having my period for now 16 of the last 23 days needs a better explanation than stress because this gal is about to punch someone in the throat or launch into full on sobbing hysteria for no apparent reason. Too much information sure? But as I’ve said this blog is about me not you and maybe some day when my kids read this post that’ll know I’m pretty human. That said opening day is Monday — it’s my 20th so nothing and I really do mean nothing can come as a surprise. Snowing? Sure is. Who cares. It’s 3:45 and we have to donate 3 full sized mattresses and get them there by 5? Sure do. Today. Let’s get it done. Paint colors are wrong? Tickets are missing? Ceiling tiles are stained? Yep yep yep. It’s cool. So opening day is not stressful. You know what is stressful? Not being able to run. Still can’t. I’m blaming it on that. I’ve tried yoga, do spinning on the regular, cross training, barre. You name it I’m doing it. It ain’t running. So I’m stressed about that and prob a little angry. My kids are fine, husband is good — other than my extreme outbursts as of late. House is great. Stove is phenomenal. Everything in life is great. So what’s my deal? Who the hell knows I don’t have an answer and quite frankly like every mom out there do not have time to be sick or to think about being sick. I know my iron is down, my sugar is down, and NO I’m not pregnant. That was a 12 hour scare. I love my kids but a third was a little daunting. THAT made me stressed. Not my life. My life is good. So Monday will come and go and I’ll embark on my 20th season at the sox. I’ll get through this weekend and tonight I will have a much needed glass of wine and live by the minute because that’s all I can do. (I canceled my knee surgery that should have happened March 20 — denial. Typing it out makes me accountable right??). I’m gearing up for my next post to be all about the positives unless of course something challenging happens until then.  

Valentine’s Day remains harmless and stress free at 5 and 3. The day is more about candy and hearts than anything else so it’s still fun. Emma and Maia could not wait to wake up on Valentine’s morning and skip off to school but not before I attempted to make every effort at making their morning glorious. Queue the flowers from dad, the candy, cards, and gifts from “mom and dad” and the extra stress of making pink heart pancakes that came out a little lopsided and more strange streaky red than pink. I tried and they loved it. I’m new at this kindergarten thing so when Emma said she wanted to take those sweetheart boxes of candy to school I said easy peasy done. Because in Disney world preschool there are no rules candy is allowed. I’m also the mom that wants to get it done early (but of course usually does not) so I jumped at securing 24 boxes of candy for Emma’s Valentine’s. Then came the email. NO CANDY. Of course it makes sense but now what? Amazon is what. Amazon is always the answer so I over ordered and set out to make the greatest Valentine’s gift bags with Emma to avoid a complete disaster after I already said yes to the candy. Maia got to take all the candy to school for her preschool friends (her own candy nemo wristband and her sisters sweetheart boxes in a special bag as well) whose parents were I’m sure thinking wow Maia’s mom sure does like candy and Valentine’s Day! I swear it wasn’t intentional I just didn’t need 24 boxes of candy sitting around the house. Emma put together her bags of bracelets, pencils, and erasers. A simple card would have sufficed but both girls were thrilled. So off they went in their heart shirts and skirts dressed for the occasion spreading love into the day. I couldn’t wait to get home and listen to the rundown — which is exactly what I did. They couldn’t stop talking both vying to get time to squeal about their day. Then we sat on the floor and went through all of the Valentine’s one by one (close to 48). Teddy and Ben wrote “love” on her cards. Hmmm. I see that. Rodrigo went over the top with heart stickers. I see you too R. Here’s the deal. Some people hate Valentine’s Day some live for it. For me it used to be another day but now it’s more and it’s better than politics and Facebook and Instagram and any sort of news social media outlet. Through the eyes of 3 and 5 it’s awesome and I’ll take that every day. 

…said no one ever. I hate when my kids are sick. Not that anyone loves having sick kids but sick kids suck. Plain and simple. Now don’t get me wrong none of this is fun for them and obviously they don’t want to be sick but it’s terrible. I dread the sick days. My three old started with a cough. That cough you know is going to turn into something more in a couple of days so like any overly cautious mom you pump her with orange juice feed her tons of fruits and vegetables cook up a chicken soup and wait. Wait until life unravels before your very self. Then it happens. Fever, runny noise, and THE NONSTOP COUGH. The cough is the worst. It doesn’t end. She might be asleep coughing but you’re not. Nope you’re not asleep. You’re just listening to the nonstop sound of a cough. And when you do fall asleep she wakes up crying because well her 6 hours of Motrin has worn off and it’s 1am. So it’s like having a newborn all over again. You toy with calling the doctor and then decide when the fever reaches 103 you will take her in knowing your self diagnosis of a cold is really what’s going on here but just need to do the right thing and have a second/third opinion (of course the hub has given his opinion). And you’re right. Yes she has a fever, yes she has a runny nose, and yes she has a cough. Now my beef here is all doctors suggest options as though they are going to work. Yet, NONE of them do. 
1. Make the room really steamy with a humidifier. Ok this one is my favorite. It’s like a damn sauna in there and the cough is still going strong. 

2. Prop up the bed. Really? Ok so the bed is propped do you really think my kid is going to sleep on the part that’s propped? No she’s going to scoot down to the bottom of her toddler bed to avoid the 90 degree angle we created to remedy the cough. 

3. Feed her honey. Done and yet we still have the loudest cough possible. 

4. Rub Vicks on her chest. Check. Still coughing. 

I’m convinced nothing works. Not Motrin, Tylenol, baths, warm milk, honey, humidifiers, propped beds. None of these “remedies” cure anything but yet, we do them. We do everything we think is going to make them feel better even though we end up up all night and exhausted. The only thing that seems to work is “mommy can you hold me” and that my friends is the cure. 

I have a blog post about Disney and Christmas and how wonderful everything was. I could write about this renovation my new year’s resolutions my life but honestly right now I feel like that’s irrelevant. At Fenway over the last two decades (yes, two decades) I’ve had the pleasure of meeting thousands of people. Can’t go without mentioning my husband was one of these individuals. People always ask “do you meet the players?” Yes. “Do you meet famous people?” Yes. “Who is the coolest person you’ve ever met?” I’d truthfully have to answer my husband but he’s locked in for life now. So the real answer is Austin Quinn and his family brother Logan, mom Laura, and dad Richard. I can’t explain it but Austin touched my heart. His mom and dad are remarkable folks and his brother Logan is cool in a 16 year old chill kind of way. The obvious in the room was that Austin (13) had cancer but for some reason I can’t say that was what I saw. I saw a boy who loved the Red Sox more than most and who really believed in them. He was basically undefeated at Fenway. He believed. Looking at Austin’s physical features would cause you to see that he was sick but his personality was otherwise. So forgive my denial when his mother reached out last week to let me know that Austin passed away peacefully on Monday. Now this is NOT about me at all. Not even a slight bit. This is a reminder. This is about how one kid touched everyone he met and he should still be here. He was a fighter. This is about the world being terrible and and taking things away from all of us too soon. It’s about recognizing what we all have and that taking every moment for granted is not an option. It’s about family being everything and bonding together in tough times. It’s about the Red Sox meaning more than baseball to so many people. Austin was baseball it was what he liked and we could make him feel like someone without a disease. My last words with Austin were “Austin you have to come back and see Fenway in the snow it’s awesome in the snow”. He said he would and he waited for it to snow. That never happened but I have to imagine the day his mom told me we proceeded to have snow all weekend. I think that’s my sign that Austin made it snow on Fenway and has the greatest view of all. 

I have so much to say. I’m thankful. Really really thankful. We took a family trip. Our first ever trip as a family of four and by that I mean we didn’t go somewhere and meet a family member or bring a family member with us. It was just us and it was amazing. Now let’s be clear here the set up was ridiculously perfect and the entire trip was geared around the kids. We knew that going into it and definitely were prepared. Let’s start with the flight.
We flew out thanksgiving afternoon which still allowed us a “whole foods prepared thanksgiving meal”. Not ideal but turkey nonetheless. Emma came home from school on Wednesday upset that she wasn’t going to have turkey so I flew to whole foods last minute as a guilty mom and put together a last minute thanksgiving for the family. The best was when I put it all out she said “I don’t like turkey”. Sometimes I want to quit. 
Anyway we then casually got to the airport and waited in zero lines anywhere. A pretty good start to the trip. 
The flight itself felt a little chaotic. I always pack the girls a bag of “new” stuff to keep them occupied on flights. New crayons, new coloring book, new craft stuff, silly putty, you name it I pack it in a bag and give it to them on the plane so they have stuff to do besides watch and iPad or tv because while that is great they aren’t the type of kids that will do just that. However, this flight was seated as 3 together and raj across the aisle. (I came to my senses and changed it to two and two and on the way home) I was middle seat and what one kid asked for the other wanted 10 minutes later. It was nonstop for a bit and a little tiring but overall no complaints. 

GO to Clearwater. Here’s why:

1. The Clearwater Marine Life Aquarium. Even if you’re not into the Dolphin Tale movies it doesn’t matter. Seeing a dolphin with no tale and a prosthetic is incredible. Seeing the people that come from around the world with prosthetics and without to see this dolphin is humbling. Animals do a lot for human nature. This aquarium is worth the visit. Not just for the Dolphins they are rescuing but for the animals in general they are helping get back into the ocean. It’s truly remarkable. We also happened upon meeting Hazel (Cozi) from the movie which was an incredible bonus. 

2. The Lowry Zoo in Tampa. Just wow. We thought we’d go there for a couple hours and spent the entire day there. There are rides for all ages. The zoo itself is huge filled with amazing animals. There’s a petting zoo and an entire area set aside for the younger kids. Definitely a full day adventure and there’s craft beer for the adults if you so desire. 

3. Captain Memo’s adventure boat tour. Hands down the best find. Raj found this one and I have to tell you I was skeptical about taking a 5 and 3 year old on a two hour boat trip on the ocean. But boy was I WRONG. AMAZING. The “pirates” take your children for basically the entire the boat ride while you stand back and watch them play games, sing songs, face paint etc. and they pump you with FREE (included in the $30 ticket cost) beer and wine. About an hour into the trip we hung out with dolphins who jumped and swam next to the boat for about 20 minutes. The kids and adults couldn’t get enough. This is one happy pirate. This is a must if you ever head to Clearwater. 

4. Busch Gardens. Not my favorite. It’s a pass unless you’re really into rollercaosters. The kids had fun but this was my least favorite day of the trip. 

5. Opal sands hotel. 100% a must stay. The pool, the view, the service, the food. All spot on. The hotel is less than a year old but honestly they worked out the kinks. Granted our room was absurd. 2 bedrooms massive balcony with our own hot tub so complaining would not be an option. We woke every morning to watch dolphins swimming in the ocean and sometimes in the afternoon we got a glimpse of them playing. It was absolute perfection. 
So our overall experience was beyond. Emma and Maia are at the age where they can travel with ease (lots of snacks). I just keep thinking about the girls laughing and playing in the whitest softest sand at sunset after dinner (until of course they both got sand in their eyes and one cried) but the thought was there. 
Meeting “Haszel” from dolphin tale was a bonus. Understanding that winter really doesn’t have a tail but what that animal does for others with prosthetics is humbling and by far the most amazing experience. 
I just can’t be more humbled or grateful for this family trip and so happy that my family appreciated it as much as I did. 

I refuse to talk politics. Not my thing. I’ll offend someone by saying something I have no real education on. My politics are baseball. That’s what I like and choose to talk about. So instead of really touching on the election I figure this little intro is enough. Instead I’ll jump into my struggle and for me it’s a big one. Running. Three years ago when Maia was born the challenge of finding time to work out was big. As a working mom with a newborn a two year old and a home didn’t exactly allow for the easiest schedule for me to selfishly grab an hour to get a work out in and I wasn’t about to get up at 4 or 5 am to race to the gym after night feedings. I’ve consistently worked out my entire life but it was always at my convenience so this was new to me and in order to get me through it I fell back in love with running. Something I could do whenever, in any weather, at literally any time and I do. I run in the rain, the dark, the blazing sun, the snow, the ice etc. I basically will run in anything but a tornado. I run at night in the morning at lunch. You get my point. It’s been my outlet. I trained for a half marathon followed by the Boston marathon then some small races here and there all in the last three years. I’m obviously extreme. With that said I’ve consistently been running for the last three years and for everyone that knows me its my mental outlet. I run and cook. So speed up to last week I’m base training for Boston again and my runs got cut short and I could barely walk because of knee pain. Now knee pain is not something new for me. I’ve had arthroscopic surgery to remove cartilage damage from a torn mcl and lcl. Countless hours of physical therapy (in fact my very first knee physical therapist is a close friend of mine 10 years later). Anyway, pain tolerance in my left knee is very high so when a doctor says “use your body to judge your pain” that doesn’t necessarily work for me. I will run until I can’t. Literally. I have what’s called a baker’s cyst nicely resting on the back of my knee and it gets larger and smaller depending on the workout that’s been with me for 3 years. All of these small anomalies make up me and have for so long that as I age I’m not really paying attention to the pain itself. Well the pain got so bad I made an appointment with our team doctors -working for the Red Sox allows access to some of the best in business. What’s good enough for Pedroia, Mookie, and Ortiz is certainly good enough for me and when these doctors speak I listen. Now I made the appointment with the full intention of having them look at my MRI and tell me they’d do a quick arthroscopy and my pain would be fine id be up and about in a week and back to training for Boston or maybe not necessarily training this year (which would be crushing because I’m mentally prepared) but definitely next year. So I limped into the office every step at a 10 for pain and waited. Went through the normal what’s going on blah blah blah. Then he looked at my MRI and said 7 words that took my breath away and left my head spinning. “This knee should never be running marathons” then followed it up with “in fact this knee probably shouldn’t be running at all”. Now I’m not being dramatic here my world stopped. I stopped. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Huh?? This knee? What knee? Certainly not my knee. What about the arthroscopic surgery I’m supposed to get? When do we talk about that? That’s certainly the solution. That never happened. I was given another doctor’s name – a specialist to deal with my sort of knee issue. You see at 37 they don’t exactly jump at doing an entire knee replacement so there’s another surgery with a 6 month recovery that I’m believed to be a “candidate” for. Candidate for? What?? I want to be a candidate to bq (Boston qualify) not a candidate to do a knee surgery that ends in a 6 month recovery. This can’t be happening. Well it is. I can’t run. Something I love as a top 4 favorite behind Emma, Maia, and Raj (and some days raj and running fight for their spot). It’s my outlet admittedly my addiction so now what?! A break? Not possible. One week later I’m itching. It’s in everyone’s best interest if I run. And I do mean everyone. It gets me through hard days, it gets me through tragedy, triumph, and all tribulations. It clears my head. Hard to explain but it’s mine. No one else’s. My runs are me. Being told no is world shattering for me with all the exaggerations included. I’m bummed. I pictured some day running Boston with my girls. I pictured running forever. So today I start a 3 month intense stint of PT and in two weeks I meet with a surgeon. All of this will get me to be able to run 3 miles regularly with little pain. Seems like a lot for a little right? Well, I’ll take what I can get at this point and figure out my next outlet. In the meantime my running playlist will continue to grow with great songs. And in the words of one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs “just breathe”. 

This renovation has been fine and complaining seems selfish in a lot of ways but this blog is for me and it’s for me to look back at this adventure and see how we got here. So complain I will it’s my outlet. I never believed it would be pretty or easy. I’m a realist. I try to see the good in most everything (and complain through it all but see the good nonetheless). There’s progress. The house looks awesome from the outside. It’s far exceed my expectations. It fits in, doesn’t look “new” and feels beautiful. I love it. 
The inside well that’s a different story right now. My kitchen is still a challenge. I can’t cook in it. I’ve been using my crockpot and microwave which I basically lit on fire and it ended up outside for a couple days (true story) to air out. I don’t use a microwave to cook who does?? 

The bathroom. This situation is the most difficult. We have to be showered by 7am every day but Sunday. There’s one functioning shower and showering by 7 doesn’t seem strange but it’s freezing. There’s no heat in the part of the house where the shower exists and it’s basically an igloo but with wooden boards. It’s scary and dark and not fun. I will openly admit it’s wearing on me. I don’t like it. 

My current bedroom is a closet. Literally. Rajs clothes are hanging up in this bedroom and my former shelves from my previous closet are on top of our bureau. It’s a closet and it’s hard. It’s hard to find clothes it’s hard to put clothes away. It’s hard. 

Enter the container store. I am containing myself. That’s getting me through this. I go to the container store and buy everything from blackboard tape to chalk pens to turn tables to containers. It’s my safe place right now. I love it in there. Something about the organization that can occur as a result of just walking into the store has me calm. It’s filling the “cooking” void in the cook and run philosophy I have to get me through life. It #containsme. No joke. 

This post doesn’t make much sense in that it has no real purpose other than to jot down my current thoughts and thoughts they are. That’s the update!

Welcome to Wellesley. Halloween is a national holiday here. It’s planned out and flyers go around a month prior. It’s epic and indescribable and it’s literally one of the reasons you move to my neighborhood. I’m not kidding. People come from other streets to partake in the best block party Wellesley has to offer followed by the loop parade. I am fortunate to live on “the loop” and I’m jealous of myself when Halloween happens. We start the day with Maia’s preschool parade which literally melts my heart to see her becoming her own little person in her own little world. Much like her sister when we were leaving the festivities all her friends were yelling “bye Maia bye Maia” as a mom that’s what you want – to know your child is fitting in and not feeling alone. In fact that’s all I want at this age. I don’t want her to feel out of place or scared, sad, or alone. I could care less if she knows how to count to 20 right now. That will come in time she’s 3. I just want her heart happy and it seems as though it is. 

Back to Halloween. We Bhangoos love Halloween. It’s my husband’s favorite holiday. He goes all out. He dresses up, usually decorates the outside (construction limited that to actual caution tape this year), he carves pumpkins, puts on Halloween music, drinks pumpkin ale, and hands out candy. He is Mr. Halloween and he caves at whatever the girls want him to dress up as. This year I handmade him a Marlin costume and I was Dory. It’s real serious. That said, there will come a point soon when they don’t want us to dress up or follow them around. In fact, Emma literally did NOT want to trick or treat with us and was crying when trick or treating began and she had no one (although there were hundreds, yes hundreds of children running around from door to door. As you can imagine the crying ended real fast when she got in the mix of a two other girls one from her class and a new friend. Just like that they ran from door to door skipping across the street in sheer delight giggling and yelling “this one next” “No this one next”. Tinkerbell happily sauntered in the back with Marlin and was perfectly content going to each house on her own carefully selecting her candy. Halloween is just pure bliss there’s nothing upsetting about it. Free candy, friends, and the best neighborhood in the world. It’s awesome and I’m grateful and lucky. And it kept me out of my house. Happy Halloween. 

This is “esquilo” which literally means squirrel in Portuguese. Esquilo is completely trying to mess with my daily routine and set my kids into meltdown mode on the daily. Last weekend we opened the door to drive to school and Emma yelled “oh no esquilo ate Maia’s pumpkin” which to a three year old Maia might as well have meant that her world was ending. All of our nice lined up painted pumpkins were fine with the exception ofMaia’s. Hers had a hole in it. She began crying real tears. Hardly understanding why he picked her pumpkin. I quickly defused the situation with bribing Maia with a new pumpkin and we moved on with our morning routine off to school. We’ve since purchased two additional pumpkins to prevent esquilo from eating everything. Dude has to get full at some point right? Wrong. Last night we opened the door to wait for dad to come home and who was an arm’s length away going to town on the pumpkin but esquilo. He was completely unphased with not one, not two, but FOUR people staring at him. So I videoed as this 4 inch creature stared all of us down while crushing our pumpkins. The girls were at first horrified. Maia kept saying “mommy I used to like esquilo now I think he’s mean” which I had to explain that not all squirrels are mean (even though I might be lying) and that this squirrel is behaving badly and he might need a time out. As I was explaining this to her this brazen 4 legged creature jumped up onto the step closer to us looked us in the eye and made me feel like he was larger than a grizzly bear. Now I have to admit we were all behind a shut ​

​tight glass door but I felt a little uneasy and for a second thought we may need to call 911. The typical 5 and 3 year old high pitch screeches proceeded and esquilo remained un phased until I finally opened the door and “shooed” him away. On to make dinner which is always a struggle of the evening and the girls sat at the table while cautiously looking toward the door. I was convinced he was done but he kept coming back, and coming back, and coming back. When dad got home the girls jumped with excitement explaining how this time esquilo ate HIS pumpkin not theirs or mine and erupted into chaos until bedtime. They were in utter disbelief that esquilo could be so hungry and so very bad. Where’s his mom and dad?? We managed to all calm down and move on with the night, however, first thing this morning we were right back into the esquilo profiles opening the door set to find him partaking in a feast fit for squirrel royalty. I made breakfast while they stood “guarding” the door (chairs set up at the front door watching). Wouldn’t you know two minutes later they erupted into screams “mommy daddy esquilo brought a friend” and sure enough this little terrorizer brought reinforcements. Are you kidding me? Not on my land you nut eating ravenous monster. Who do you think you are? We quickly opened the door and shooed them both away. The girls sat and ate breakfast once again amused by the escapades of esquilo. I have to admit I was giggling a little as well. This little creature is just owning our pumpkins and all of us while he’s at it.